For a few weeks there, I was getting very much stuck in my own head. Every time I spoke to my partner it was a grumble about how bad I felt or telling him my latest worry. Every time I opened my mouth out came another moan like “I’m tired”, “my legs ache”, “I’m agitated” or “when will this end?” and “what is our future?”. Conversations, or rather me speaking and him apparently listening, were heavy, and even I felt it was getting tedious. My partner gets in from a full shift, to then look after me, the house, the dog and try to fit in his own things he wants to do too. He’s tired, I’m tired. When did life get this serious? There’s no fun. So, I decided to make a change…
While my partner was at work, I walked the dog and when I got home, the dog sent him this message…
My partner loved it. He said it made his day and stopped him from worrying about us. He was much less moody when he got in from work.
Through all the hurt and angst my partner and I were forgetting how to have fun. It’s so easily done when illness clouds your every day. Now I try to keep things light and add some laughs to our day. You know the kind of thing, playful jokes and wind-ups, doing silly things like throwing a sweet while the other catches it in their mouth. When I’m laid upstairs, resting after a crash, I can hear him coming upstairs. I get out of bed and beat him to the loo and then laugh when he grumbles about it. This doesn’t always work in my favour. Our light switch is outside the bathroom door and when it’s dark and I’m in there, he switches the light off…not so funny. We’re like big kids really, you wouldn’t think we were in our 40s!
I have also made a conscious effort to stop saying out loud how much I ache or feel tired. It just gets too much. I didn’t realise how often I complained. To him, it became white noise and had become numb to it. Instead, I say nothing or when I need to I say ‘’I’m struggling can you please pass me…” or “I’m struggling can we sit in silence for a bit” and he’ll help me out. He often puts his ear phones in to watch bikey stuff on You Tube while I rest for 20 minutes. I also spend this time thinking about what jobs I want to do that day. As always there’s a few but I know I can’t do them all. Especially if I have just walked Kita and had to clean her muddy paws. So, I decide which is the lucky job that will get done. I usually choose something that helps my partner. It’s not fair for him to do all the house jobs so if I can, I do and if I can’t he knows it will get done another day.
Kita messages her dad most days now. She gets up to a lot so there’s always something to text about. Even if she’s asleep I’ll record her amusing snoring and often frantic twitching (i think she has chronic fatigue too, ha) and send it to him. It’s amazing what you can find to amuse oneself. It feels quite sad as I’m writing this, but when the days are long and you can’t do much else, I’d rather do something and if it gives us a giggle then that can’t be a bad thing.
All of this was what was missing in our relationship. I had become so wrapped up in my world of discomfort I forgot how to have fun. It didn’t take much to put the spark back. Of course there are still down days but even then, one of us will attempt to lighten the mood. It’s always worth an attempt, at least, it never does any harm.
40 and Fighting 