Tired but wired

When my energy runs out, the effect on my brain is immense. I refer to ‘my brain’ in third person as I feel this symptom is out of my control. My brain starts to error. I become restless. I try to relax but my brain searches for something to dig into: a Sudoku; a crime drama; or current affairs are usually my brain’s choices. It doesn’t seem to tolerate daytime tv or anything too busy.

I often find myself having the TV on while scrolling social media, the news or doing puzzles on my phone. Then wonder why I feel tension in my head and my eyes struggle to read. I put my phone down but my brain gets bored. It jumps from one topic of thought to another staring straight through the TV as I reach for my phone again. I’ve tried leaving my phone upstairs but then I channel hop really badly and turning off the TV means I flick through the pages of the nearest magazine with the same agitation. I can stop and sit in silence but only for a few moments before the monotonous circle begins and I look for a mental task to tackle.

I cannot make sense of any one thing. It’s as though my brain has harnessed any remaining energy. My body is weak yet my brain is active. It flicks through as many topics as it can in a ‘jack of all trades, master of non’ haste. My partner knows it’s happening as I aimlessly pace about the house like some kind of demented Pigeon. He sends me to bed. Quite rightly. I’ve had a lot of this recently and it’s a warning sign that I’m about to crash. Sleep is the only thing to stop it.

I must pace better.

Jacqui x

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